Project 09'

I am starting a new writing project on January 1st. It's a hands on experiment of sorts and I will be living (and journaling) it for six months. I know this is incredibly vague but it's all you're getting for now. Stay tuned for many new writing endeavours in 2009. I have many ideas I've been putting off and I plan on making 2009 a writing year.

Imagine

Imagine a time long ago, the promise of a savior inside you to grow. Created to be mother to God's only son. Imagine if you were the chosen one. Imagine how hard it was to trust in God's plan. How blind faith must sometimes be when we don't understand. Imagine having to hold on to faith, when you would rather run, risking life's comfort and dignity for the salvation of everyone. Imagine how Mary must have felt like an ordinary girl, not good enough to bring the King of Kings into this world. Imagine how God came to her and said, "you know my will is best." And how she stood before him and said, "Lord my answer's yes." Think of the purpose every child's life holds and the prayers attached to each one. Think if your child's purpose was to die. If the world's redemption lay in the sacrifice of your son. Think of a father's sorrow and joy, felt at his only son's birth. Think how God gave with each one of us in mind and the price he thought we were worth. Never forget the way Mary obeyed or the first present given on Christmas Day. Remember every day of the year, to share with others why we are here. Remember we all have heartache and troubles but quitting is such a waste. We should spend our times helping others, as God helps us, we should be sharing His grace. Most important of all remember this, always let God's light shine through your eyes, for I'd hate hate to think that you turned your back on an angel in disguise. (C) J.L. 2008

What day is it?

Our Christmas party was a success. The tables were pretty, the food was yummy (although I didn't really eat any of it until today), and the people were lovely. Almost every child was hacking and snotting) I have a theory that it was part cold and part elevation change....yes, let's go with that. I am extremely tired today but for good reasons. Santa made a surprise visit and had presents for all the kids. And my party favor baskets went over nicely. I think everyone felt blessed. The only things to change for next year? Hire a maid to clean the house the week of and have the party catered:) Oh yes, and strike oil to pay for the above mentioned.

We missed those that were unable to make it but we'll have tea and crumpets soon. No seriously, I got a new teapot that I REALLY want to use.

I'll try and post party pictures soon.

Day ? Be more organized with days

I have been REALLY busy the past couple weeks so I've sorta temporarily abandoned my 21 days of change thing. Perhaps as part of the challenge I will take a little time off for reflexion. At least this makes me sound smart instead of flaky:)

Our "little" dinner party has risen to 33 people, yikes! The turkey has been ordered, one friend is in town and another arrives on Friday. I have made 22 jars of jelly and a basket full of bath salts for gifts. I have to make little bread loaves and then I'm done with the "party favors." Other than that........cleaning, cleaning, CLEANING! Oh blasted cleaning! I hate thee with pure hatred because thou art NEVER finished.

The presents are wrapped but I still have a little more to do for Jude. When I will do this, I am not yet sure. I'm figuring it will all come together...gulp! Christmas is the time for doing for others and despite the fact that I always over extend, I do enjoy doing it and making friends and family happy. It would be so much easier if I could just wiggle my nose and Poof! it all just was.

Tricia

It's midnight in New York, technically December 13th. I want to wish my cousin Tricia a happy birthday. This will be the second birthday she's spent in Heaven. I'm sure the celebration is so much more incredible there! But we miss her and so today we reflect on her life and the good she brought to us in her 34 years.

So, Happy Birthday Trish. I love you and miss you. I think of you often and all the good memories. Though I know the what ifs are pointless, I think of all I wanted to say to you that I didn't get the chance to. Somehow, I think you know. May Heaven celebrate you today and the angels rejoice!

Day 16/17- Timing is Everything!

I made my lists (and checked them twice) yesterday. Usually I have everything bought and wrapped weeks before Christmas. This is not necessarily a good thing because then I have nothing to do but sit back and be...gasp...patient! I'm like a kid on Christmas Eve, unable to sleep with anticipation. Only I spend two weeks doing that because I've got nothing else to do but wait. This year I've gotten organized and spaced everything out. I have a to do list for our Christmas party, some presents bought and some left to buy. My list is finished as are the days everything will be accomplished. This will probably help in making the time fun as we're having flies.

Kat and I got tattoos on Sunday. I've been wanting to memorialize some of my lost angels for a while now. I got a cluster of forget-me-nots on my left shoulder. Six of them to be exact. One for my grandma, Abuela, my cousin Tricia and friends, Erik, Cindy, Janell and Ryan. It's beautiful but a little uncomfortable to have clothing rubbing on it. Especially since it's kind of a tight and bony area. I'm freezing my backside off in tank tops. Luckily, sitting in front of the fire helps and it's feeling better today. I'll post a picture when I can.

Day 15....Day of Rest

I AM SOOOO TIRED!!! One of my teeth was throbbing last night and I didn't fall asleep until 7Am. I'm hoping tonight goes better. So, today is a day of relaxation. I hope to accomplish absolutely nothing:) So far, so good.

Hey, it's important to learn to do nothing just as it is to do everything. In Italian it is, Il bel far niente. The beauty of doing nothing.

Days 12-14- Reading, Writing and NO MATH!

For the next couple of days, I'm going to concentrate on reading and writing. I've started reading the book that I will review (the first) on this blog for my website, Jessicalennon.com. I will do this as soon as possible. I'm planning on taking more time during the week for reading and writing. I tend to go a little mad without them. I believe it's part of being a creative soul. I am artistic first and entirely. When I don't embrace that in some small way, daily, I feel dead inside. Then the people in my life don't get the best me.

I'm also very happy because I started writing a new novel last night. Now that I've had some time to recover from the completion of my memoir, I'm ready to go again. The query letter is still out to about four agents and all I have to say is, "with patients possess ye my soul." The waiting game is not fun! Especially when one is waiting for a life changing dream to come true. I enjoyed self publishing. The product was put together well and I am proud of both books. But I'm ready to take it to the next level.

My previous agent was sweet and I almost had a publishing deal because of her. I got my first taste of writing success with her and I'm ready for more now. Only this time, I'm ready to see it through. I'm off to create!

Day 11- Peace Out with Donna Reed!

Imagine the clanging music you would hear in a movie while someone is meditating or saying something like, "Can't you feel that Man? It's the love, Man....(stoner laugh inserted here)." No, Day 11 is not about getting high and, feeling the love, Man. It's about finding the peace in life. This is something that the world today does not readily provide. We're all so busy working, raising families and carting kids here, there and everywhere, when do we have time to "just be?"

When do we have time to sit and have dinner as a family or read with our children? While I'm not a fan of certain aspects of the 50's wife-style, I have to say it had it's strong points.

Families ate together.

Families played together.

Wives wanted to be beautiful for their husbands.

There was discipline and therefore respect by the children in the home.

There was virtue and morality.

It was more ok to believe in God and follow Biblical principles than not to and not only were you not chastised for it, but as I see it, the world and families ran smoother. Divorce did not end half of all marriages, children did not shoot up schools, get pregnant out of wedlock, let alone in elementary school, have abortions or have oral sex (it's not really sex you know, thanks Clinton) in Jr. High School. I apologize if these views are not in tune with the liberal cool that is so accepted today but I'd rather be lame than watch my daughter go down in flames. I DO NOT want those things for her life. It is not ok with me. I most definitely don't want her making the same mistakes I did. I always tell my hubby that I want our daughter to be a Rory (from Gilmore Girls.) The kind of girl that all the boys want to be with but hold in such high regard--because she holds herself in high regard, not in a conceited way, but respectful of herself--that they would be honored to just be her friend let alone try and sleep with her.

It's difficult to find peace when we know what we're up against. Ironically, our family has found the battle to be more amongst our own (extended) families than the world. That is sad.

The 50's ideals weren't such a bad deal for us ladies. In fact, all of those 50's wives kicked butt. Donna Reed was one of the first female producers (though uncredited) on her show. Barbara Billingsley (June Cleaver on Leave it to Beaver) not only made a name as one of America's ideal mother's, but today, at 92 years old, she is still acting.

I'm thinking it's entirely possible to be a strong, force to be reckoned with, woman and still have dinner with our families at night. I believe we find joy and peace, not in sacrificing ourselves to our families but embracing our dreams and goals with them. I don't want my daughter to think I'm perfect. I'd rather her know I'm human and have hopes and dreams and faults. When I'm writing, I'm a happier and healthier woman, wife and mother. I'd rather bring that in and make it part of my daughter's life than throw it away and not be the best me. I've never believed that anyone should sacrifice pieces of themselves for their children but that a child is just one more person to enrich dreams and one more person to experience the beauty and fullness of life with--a creative and missing piece of the puzzle. All art and beauty comes from passion and emotion and there's nothing more passionate and emotional than the love we feel for our children. Everything is more beautiful, happy, sad and sometimes ugly (the world) since I've had my daughter. Therefore, my writing is more of those things too.

So, today, I will give peace and the 50's wife-style a try:) Milk and cookies anyone? They're fresh from the oven (and the cow.)

Day 10- The Fight to Bloom is Most Challenging in the Cold of Winter for We Must Push Through the Hard Ground. It's Worth it Come Spring!

DAY 10

Ok, I hate that I can envision the changes that need to be made and I know what I want my life to look like and yet, I'm stuck in old patterns. I guess if I end up on book signing tours, that will not be a problem. Only, know matter what happens in my life, I will still come home and still be a wife and mother. This means, the time to act is now! There is no better time to organize and take what is in my head and pull it into reality. It's kind of like a painting or a book which is the challenge for today. Only the challenge is for YOU!

Think of a feeling you've wanted to express to someone for a long time. And no, I'm not saying you actually have to give this to them (unless you want to). It's a self healing exercise and it will push your creativity. The feeling can be anything from expressing love to letting them know you are hurt or angry. If you are better with pictures--drawing/painting--think about what that emotion would look like, only put it on paper in words instead. If you are better with words, try and imagine what those words would look like in a picture and draw it! This is fun because not only do you get to express yourself but you get to do it in a challenging way. We must always push our creative limits. It's when we learn the most.

Happy challenge! I'm off to clean...more and again:(

Picture (C) Lennon 2008

Day 9

I guess, while I am implementing specific changes in order to make them a habit after 21 days, I'm also sort of trying to do one new and positive form of change every day. For day 9 I'm going to work on forgiveness and hurt. I find myself often turning heartbreak into anger because it hurts less to feel angry and feel empowered than broken and vulnerable. I will work on sharing my pain with someone close or putting my feelings onto paper (my ultimate friend and healing process--along with God of course) when they come up, instead of cramming them down and getting angry. This is a process--I believe--we all need to work on at times. We are, as Jo March says in Little Women, "hopelessly flawed." I will be the first to admit that, while I often tell my husband that, like Mary Poppins, I am "practically perfect in every way," I am actually more a Jo March than a Mary Poppins! Great, it's in writing now and in print on the Internet. Just for the record, if it comes down to it, I will deny admitting imperfection to the bitter end. I will claim that someone forced me to write this under threat of death by Epilady! I will not go down hairless and blotchy!

In my defense, I may have had more coffee than food this morning:) I'm sort of on a caffeine fueled writing bender. Yea! They're the best.

Day 8

That would be me (with wee) carrying a Christmas tree. Hey, all of that rhymed:) We even cut the tree down ourselves. We're such pioneers.

Day 8-Start Vitamin regimen (I've had the vitamins for a year now and haven't started them.) They have Niacin so the hot flash/ detox should be lots of fun!

I should also spend a bit of time writing. I should be doing that every day. I wrote a short story yesterday. I got up and started working on Christmas cards and I have this friend that really appreciates my creativity. I ended up writing a Christmas story using her family's names in unique ways throughout it. Four pages later, it was finished and turned out nicely. I had no plans to get up and write yesterday but when inspiration strikes, it's best not to fight.

My goal it to feel, look and be healthier by our Christmas party on December 20

Day 6........Yawn

Day 6. My goodness! Day 6 begs a repeat of days 1-5 because Thursday was crazy and with all the cooking, the kitchen is a little messy. Not bad, but not clean. Yesterday was a fun and hectic day too so we weren't home to clean or anything. Ok, I realize the past couple of days of blogging my 21 day challenge have been short and boring. I will find some creativity starting Monday. I'll be back then:) I need some rest!

Day 5

Have fun and get out of the house for lunch and a movie!

Day 4

Day fours challenge is to forget any hardships of Thanksgivings past and remember all the many blessings I have to be thankful for today. And I am so very thankful for all the miracles, big and small, that I have had the honor to be a part of.

As I have said, Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good bite:)

Day 3

Luckily, it's overcast and been raining so there's no need to dust today...yea! I finished the kitchen, I did a sweep up and vacuuming of the family room. I also mopped the wooden floors with polish. There so shiny:)

I spent yesterday pondering prayer and meditation and what I want from it. I think I came to some good conclusions. I think I'll keep them to myself though. After all, they're between God and me.

As for today, Day 3, I'm not adding anything new. Instead, I'm reinforcing the changes made on the previous days.

Day 2

Day 1 went well. I got a lot of house cleaned and finished half the kitchen this morning. I also inhaled more dust than Tinkerbell with a drug habit. So, here we are, Day 2.

I want to incorporate more prayer and meditation into my life. I've always wanted to read the entire Bible all the way through. I've had so many different copies of The One Year Bible I could have opened a Bible Book Store. I've read Genesis so many times I could probably recite the entire book. I think I will work on prayer and meditation and start The One Year Bible on January 1st. I tend to get confused when I start it mid-year. Today I will take time to reflect and be quiet. This is not an easy task for me. I know that when we're looking for answers, if we can just be quiet (for Heaven's sake!) we may actually get some.

I'll let you know how it goes on Day 3, when I dust again.

21 Days to New Habits....Day 1

I've heard that it takes 21 days to a month to make or break a habit. I started thinking about what habits I'd like to make or break before the new year. Not only that, but I've been thinking about what changes I still need to make for a better life and family. So, I am bringing you along for the ride. Today is Day 1. Let's see who I am by day 21. Perhaps it will be exciting to watch the change and even better, it might encourage you to make some changes of your own.

Day 1- A cleaner house. Not a perfect house, because I'd prefer for people to feel comfortable in my home, but a healthier one. We do not live a "shoes off" life. We live in the mountains and we are bombarded with dust. My goal, to do a light dusting every other day so we can all breathe better. We'll check back with this on day 3. Part of this goal will be to pick up after myself and get my husband and daughter to do the same. That will be the tricky part. Clean as we go. I know, day 1 is kind of boring but my health and that of my family's is important to me. I am not a tidy person by nature. I long for cleanliness, but being a perfectionist, I often don't do things unless I know they can be done perfectly. Maybe that will be a goal that goes along with all of my resolutions, I don't have to be perfect.

I'm off to put Day 1 into action. Don't forget to check back tomorrow for Day 2.

The Pursuit of Perfection & its Many Hats

I've tried. I've tried and tried and tried--to be perfect that is. Make time for writing, reading, cleaning, cooking, schooling my daughter and myself, Italian class, friends and dates (with the hubby of course because otherwise it would be kinda weird.) Oh yes, did I forget sleep and fun? I fight myself constantly on trying to live an extraordinary life and a structured life all at the same time! I'm hoping it's possible but am not feeling very confident about it. I often get so overwhelmed with trying to do it all that I get less done. I suppose, like most people, I do best when I am organized. wake up at such and such time and get dressed and eat and so on. Yet, my creative mind doesn't always allow me to do that. When inspiration strikes I am forced to give in. I wonder what level of stress, if any, throws other people off track. I can handle a pretty high level but when it goes over, my brain just shuts down. I can't think straight and it drives me crazy!

I think of all the songs written about the many roles women play in just one lifetime. We change hats for each new scene. Our characters are like chameleons, changing to match the backdrop and whatever actor/actress we're co-starring with in each act. We wear a Chef's Hat for our families each night, a Referee Hat for our children, a Lover's Hat for our spouse (this will differ accordingly and that's as far as I wish to go with this one:) I've got a special Writer's Hat, it's called my hair clipped up and hanging all over itself like a Spider Plant....or Sideshow Bob's hair. Most important is the Night Cap, which I recommend if you wear all those hats on a regular basis.

I guess the moral is, we cannot be perfect--darn! Sometimes we'll forget and wear the wrong hat in the wrong scene. In these cases, I suggest the "Janet Jackson Maneuver," claim wardrobe malfunction. I figure, so long as we don't put the Night Cap on at the wrong times or the Lover's Hat on with the pool guy--uh, honey, we don't have a pool--we're doing ok. Sure, it may not be enough to win an Oscar, but maybe we'll secure the People's Choice Award. That's got to count for something.

First of Many

This name was chosen because I love the holidays and therefore will most likely be writing many holiday blogs. I know a lot of people experience sadness around this time of year for one reason or another. Now, we're in the midst of economic crisis and some have lost jobs. What reason would anyone have to be happy? Recently, my husband was having a particularly bad day at work. He runs his business out of our home and that afternoon I joined him to open the mail. Long time supporters of Saint Jude Hospital, we received a statement with a picture of a beautiful, little bald headed boy. His parents had written a letter of thanks to all those that give money so their son can have a chance at life. I looked down at a picture of our daughter on my husband's desk and slid the picture of the little boy next to it. "When you're feeling bad," I told my husband, "you look at these pictures and remember that your daughter is healthy. You think about all those parents out there that are just thankful for one more day with their children. You think of those parents that have lost their children and be thankful that you can still hold onto yours." "You're right," he said. "I have every reason to be thankful."

So, though it's WAY too early, we have a beautiful (fake) tree in the front window of our home. We'll get the real one closer to Christmas so it won't die. We've been playing Christmas music too and lighting fires because that cold, winter nip is beginning to bite and I'm freezing my butooty off! Maybe people don't have enough money for Christmas this year but for those that have lost loved ones, myself included, we know that it's not the "stuff" that matters most. It's having family and friends near and it's letting them know how very dear they are.